


My Eyes Are Up Here

by iwannabe



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: But funny!, Crack, Darcy's boobs, F/M, mysogyny, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 20:18:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8116063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwannabe/pseuds/iwannabe
Summary: It was hard enough being in the mostly boys club, called Avengers tower that most men who worked there didn’t take her seriously.  Why?  Because Darcy was smacked around brutally with the puberty stick and at the ripe old age of 12 years old developed watermelons on her chest.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ok I saw this video and I literally pee's myself laughing and I thought who of all people would actually do this and the answer--Darcy! See the link at the bottom to watch video!

Darcy was agitated.  No, strike that.  Darcy was fucking done.

 

It was hard enough being in the mostly boys club, called Avengers tower that most men who worked there didn’t take her seriously.  Why?  Because Darcy was smacked around brutally with the puberty stick and at the ripe old age of 12 years old developed watermelons on her chest.  From that day on her life was never the same.  Some men treated her bra size like IQ points, where others assumed the size of her chest meant it was a sliding scale of an easy meter.  Whatever Darcy did, according to men, she was either stupid or a tramp.  Sure, she had dealt with this most of her life so far, but today for some reason someone must have let loose a misogyny gas in the building because she was sure she had never had to dodge so many utter fucktards.

 

First up was the courier who delivered Jane’s telescope parts.  He decided that her breasts actually conversed with him and spent the entire time replying to them.  Darcy didn’t think he looked above her neck the entire time.  Irritated, Darcy elected to be the bigger person and just let it go.

 

Second was the barista at the coffee shop across the street.  Now she had been going there for some time but this guy was new.  After waiting patiently (seriously, it was lunch time and it was packed), she manoeuvred her way to the front when he called her name.  Again, he didn’t look her in the face at all, just shoved the hot beverage directly into her chest.  Now getting angry, Darcy exaggerated being scalded (she really wasn’t just slightly warm in the boobage area) and yelped out a loud OUCH! That made the guy jump in surprise, eyes widened.  Darcy gave him a dirty look as he muttered sorry and scurried off to help another customer.

 

Third was Bruce’s new intern from some shmancy pants school who believed that all scientific knowledge shot out of his ass.  She entered Bruce’s lab to get him to sign some Shield paperwork when all she found was this guy sitting there at his laptop.  After asking if Bruce was here, he looked up to her face, then down to her chest and sneered, “Do you see him?”  This being the third asshole that decided talking to her chest was a good thing, Darcy was running out of patience.  She slapped her hands hard on the desk in front of him and bent lower to look straight into his beady little eyes.  Startled, (and maybe a bit frightened) he snapped himself back and stared as she snarled at him, “I don’t see him but if YOU see him you call me, understand?” and pushed the desk towards him as she straightened herself up and walked out of the lab.

 

Fourth, well, it was Tony.  And Darcy really was in a foul mood. Darcy sent up a prayer for strength that she not react to Tony being Tony.  He had several names for her breasts: cans, titties, melons, rack, DD’s, bowling balls, and the list went on.  Most times Darcy could tune him out, and truth be told (but never admitted to) it didn’t really bother her when it came from him.  In a twisted sort of way it was like it was meant affectionately, like calling someone hun or sweetie.  But today, well it was like nails on a chalkboard.  Darcy grit her teeth, nodded at whatever he said, and got out of there.

 

The fifth guy, well it was some slimy douche canoe businessman that crammed his hand in the elevator door as she was going up to her apartment. He entered and took one look at Darcy’s chest and opened his mouth to say something and Darcy was just done.  She gripped her taser in her pocket and in a snap the goober was drooling on the floor.  The door dinged as it opened to Natasha and she looked on the floor to the moaning sack of shit and to Darcy quizzically.  Darcy shrugged, “He deserved it” and walked to the end of the hall to her apartment.

 

Darcy sagged against the door inside her apartment and sighed.  I had been a really long day. She was more than ready for movie and pizza night that night and some relax time with her friends.  Darcy arched her back and heard some little cracks and made her way into the bedroom to get some comfy pj’s on, complete with SpongeBob slippers.

 

Darcy made her way up the common room and plopped herself down on the big fluffy sofa in front of the TV screen and flipped through some Netflix to find some Bugs Bunny and zone out till everyone else got there.  A few minutes later she saw Steve come in and made his was over to her.  Darcy bent her knees up to make room for him as Steve sat down and made himself comfortable.

 

After a few minutes, Steve looked over to her and asked quietly, ‘What’s wrong Darce?”

Darcy mumbled dejectedly, “Men are jerks.”

Steve quirked his brows at her and stared at her as if to say _Really?_

Darcy felt bad.  Steve was the non-jerkiest of human beings and she owed him a better explanation than that.

 

“It’s just that all day today no guy actually spoke to me.  They talked to my breasts.” Darcy’s lip curled up in disgust.

Steve’s eyebrows rose and then his eyes flashed in anger.  Steve’s, er Captain America’s, voice grew cold, “Who did that Darcy?”

 

Darcy knew that voice and knew that some people were gonna get an ass whooping and as much as she might secretly relish the idea, she had already handled the situations herself and didn’t want Steve to get involved.

 

“Nu-uh, I know that voice and just so you know I handled it,” she admonished, “But thank-you for offering.”

 

“No one should treat you like that.  You deserve so much more,” he smiled at her sheepishly.

 

Darcy smiled back and blushed, “Thanks, Steve.”

 

He patted her foot and she lifted her leg so her foot was in his lap and he immediately grabbed on and started to massage.  Darcy groaned as the aches and pains of the day seemed to leech out the bottom of her feet as his nimble fingers massaged the sore muscles.

 

“Are you going to do my feet too, Capsicle?”  Tony said as he swaggered into the common room.

 

“Not on your life Tony” Steve said.

 

 

A few days later, a package for Darcy arrived and she squealed with excitement.  She had a plan and she hoped it would prove a point.

 

That morning she set off for work and accepted a package from a courier.  He spent the whole time looking at her as she spoke and signed her name.  She thanked him and carried the package upstairs.

 

She went across the street to get her usual cup of coffee and the barista wide eyed and speaking to her, gave her a coffee and she went on her way.

 

She went to check if Bruce wanted any tea and his intern looked her in the eyes and said that Bruce had stepped out for a moment and that perhaps he would like a cup if she was going to make some.  Darcy nodded and said she would make Bruce his favourite and left.

 

Tony passed Darcy in the hall and took one look, then a second look, and then a final third look and nodded.

 “Those new?” he asked.

“Yep”, Darcy answered and continued down the hall.

 

She had just managed to hold the elevator for the harried businessman who came flying into the elevator.  He looked up at her in surprise and said thank-you and pressed the button.  Darcy exited at her floor and made her way to her apartment.

 

Clint and Natasha had just come around the corner as Darcy unlocked her door and went in.

Clint stopped and stared for a moment and asked, “Is she wearing a pair of breasts on her forehead?”

Natasha nodded, “Yes, she is.”

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.facebook.com/funnyordie/videos/10154490351833851/
> 
> I swear it's hilarious!


End file.
